"Besides, everytime I learn something new it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine making course, and I forgot how to drive?" -Homer J. Simpson

"This is everyone's fault but mine." -Homer J. Simpson

"So, I see that your house smells like the odor of feces." -Homer J. Simpson

"I've never been a praying man, but if you're out there, please save me superman!"
-Homer Simpson

"Heh heh heh! Lisa, vampires are make-believe, just like elves and gremlins and Eskimos!" -Homer J. Simpson

"Oh.. so I guess everything's wrapped up in A NICE LITTLE PACKAGE!!!!! *pause* What? I'm serious, sorry if it sounded sarcastic." -Homer J. Simpson

"Oh, sure, I'll leave. But I'm going to give you a little something to remember me by! *Opens up his clenched fist, revealing a little Homer's head with sad eyes in a snow globe*" -Homer J. Simpson

Marge: You're making money by selling grease!
Homer: Phhht! No, by long-term planning and smart investments, OF COURSE GREASE!

"This chair smells like hot dogs" -Ralph Wiggums

"Me fail english? That unpossible!" -Ralph Wiggums

"When I grow up I wanna be a principal... Or a caterpiller." -Ralph Wiggum

"We're a totem pole!" -Ralph Wiggum

"Go banana!" -Ralph Wiggum

"This is my sand-box, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. That's where I met the Leprechaun. He teels me to burn things." -Ralph Wiggum

"Good morning Super Nintendo Chommers!" -Ralph Wiggum

"Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem!" -Duffman

"And the winner is... Tit-Tania!" -Duffman

Tania: You said that if I slept with you I wouldn't have to touch the drunk!
Duffman: Duffman says a lot of things.

"Family, Religion, Friends... These are three demons you must slay to succeed in the world of business." -Charles Montgomery Burns

"Ah my first gay experience, why that would have to be that day when I went out with my father to have a picnic when I was still a little lad. Ooooh I had a lot of weiner that day!" -Charles Montgomery Burns

Doctor: I'm afraid you are the SICKEST man alive! You have every known disease.
Burns: Even hysterical pregnancy?
Doctor: A little bit, yes.

"Oooooooooooh my ovaries..." -Bart Simpson

Lionel Hutz: Uh-oh, we drew Judge Snyder.
Marge Simpson: Is that bad??
Lionel Hutz: Well, he's had it in for me since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You did??
Hutz: Well, replace the word "kinda" with "repeatedly" and the word "dog" with "son."

Barney: Hello, my name is Barney Gumbel and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr. Gumbel, this is a Girl Scout meeting.
Barney: Is it?? Or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem?

Jimbo: Look! Nelson's kissing a girl!
Kerney: EEW! That's SO gay!

"You never know what you can do boy. I never thought I could shoot down a German plane. But last year, I proved myself wrong." -Abraham Simpson

Auctioneer: Krusty's collection of porno! Do I hear any bids?
Jasper: 10 cents.
Auctioneer: 10 cents! Do I hear any more?
*man raises phone*
Auctioneer: SOLD! For 15 cents to our bidder in Japan!