This rant continues the downward spiral of my rant section as it heads even more and more toward becoming a live journal. Personally I really hope that my rants never come to the point where they almost identically reflect a live journal. I prefer the objectivity and solemnity that surrounds a rant over the carefree flippant giddy happy joy that envelopes a livejournal. Well, most live journals. It's just that I find live journals to be so void in meaningful content. They simply record and publicize superficial events. Of course there are some and many exception to the trend but nonetheless when you hear the word livejournal, what do you think?

Anyways onto the rantage. First and foremost I'll mention an even that has really made a profound affect upon my pysche but is important nonetheless. On my most recent math test, I got a 94. It was the highest grade in the class. Now I don't wanna brag but, booyah. Simply booyah. I'm very thoroughly satisfied with this grade. It's a nice change of pace over the usualy C+ish grade I used to get. It's brought my math average up by a dramatic amount from a C+ to a B. So this term I'm gettign a B in math. This si the lowest term grade I've ever gotten in math but I'm still very thoroughly satisfied with it.

Now without further ado, the main purpose behind this rant. I won't mention any names but this has to do with a certain girl I sometimes talk to. Those who know me well will know who the involved persons are though. I choose not to mention names just because I don't want certain people knowing too much about my personal life. If they did know about any details or names, it would just result in never ending questions prying in my life that I would not welcome. I'll just mention one thing... Amy, this is not about you, you can relax. You know I love you. (Great, now those same certain people I wanted to keep out of the know are going to ask me never ending questions about Amy. Blargh.)

Anyways... Let's just refer to the girl in question as girl A and her friend as girl B. So now recently girl B has been antagonized by friends of mine, whom she used to be friends with, and now girl B has begun hanging out with a lot of people in other grades. So then now one night I was talking with girl A about how I managed to forget my birthday two years in a row and my most recent victories in the world of math. Eventually the conversation turned to mention the much antagonized Jacob Alber.

Jacob Alber is not the most friendly kid and a large majority of people do not appreciate him. He is really quite the popmpous, arrogant, asshole and I don't think he'd deny it either. He is also in my math class. Since Alber recieved a D on the past two most recent math tests, it was clearly an event of celebration. The crowds cried and cheered for a hard swift vertical thrust up Jacob's. While engulfed in beat-on-jacob passion, I mentioned how he hangs out with freshmen girls despite being a junior. This then reminded me of girl B who was also a junior that hung out with freshmen.

In the heat of making fun of Jacob, I made one mention of girl B as I said, "Oh wait, hang's out with freshmen too, shush." As a result of this comment girl A, who is very close friendds with girl B, erupted in a fit of obscene fury towards me. I was rather shocked because I had never confronted by such anger before, except from my dad.

So now I figured, "woah". I was more in shock than anything else. I didn't consider the situation with girl B as a very serious event. I figured the whole situation would turn over in say, a month. I thought it was just a case of typical adolescent tactical segregation. Clearly girl A did not feel the same way as she inquired, "what the fuck are you telling me this for?"

I didn't take the situation very seriously so I spoke casually. However girl A didn't see things the same way. She seemed to misinterpret my non-chalant natured to reflect a sadistic desire inside me to pick on the fall of others. To be hoenst I took huge offense to that accusation but I figured that at the time, it was unwise for myself to enter my own fit of fury as girl A had done.

Fighting only begets fighting so I figured I should just try to apologize and explain myself. I did that, did it work? Nope, absolutely not. Girl A remained in her fury and refused to accept any apology I offered. I was further offended by this. I had honest intentions but girl A was too cynical to accept anything I said. Instead it was just easier to believe that I was just an insensitive jerk rather than to believe she had over-reacted. Well fine then.

I just left the conversation at that point. I figured that one, she clearly needed time to cool off, and two, there was no way I was going to put up with anymore of her crap. At this point I was already offended by the things said. Although it was not clearly stated, it was obvious that girl A was trying to imply that I was just an insensitive immature social sadist and there was little hope of changing her mind.

However that still wasn't the part that offended me the most. I guess I am insensitive, immature, and sadistic. I would accept an accusation like that but that wasn't what really ticked me off. What angered me the most is girl A's hierarchal placement of certain people. Obviously everyone holds their friends in higher regard than others, but girl A's case was just ridiculous. First of all, a joke's a joke and I made ONE relatively unoffensive joke. I know I could easily do much worse. You can't make a joke without some offense and I had assumed, from past conversations, girl A had come to accept my jocular nature. In past conversations with girl A, I've made countless jokes. However most important, these past jokes were targetted mostly towards myself (I make fun of myself a lot) and my own friends. On all these occaisions she never showed any sign of protest. However when I mentioned girl B she screamed injustice.

So let me get this straight... I can make thousands of jokes about me and my friends and I'm in the green. But then if I make just ONE about one of her friends, it's suddenly what the fuck is wrong with you, asshole? Fuck it wasn't even a very offensive joke, if a joke at all, and I tried to apologize for it. I'm sorry I tainted the holy pedestal girl B and (I assume) the rest of her friends are placed on. I'm sorry if I insulted people supposedly less deserving of ridicule than me and my friends. I promise from now on I'll remain humble and continue to ridicule only the lesser masses such as myself. I'll make sure I stay away from the holy and superior race of her friends. Now that's true justice now isn't it?

However this one event isn't all there is. This is related to many other things. First of all I've never been very good friends with girl A. I've talked to her a lot in the past and told her a lot of things about me but she has never told me much about her. This would give her a very large tactical advantage if serious heated antagonisms were to ever develop. Second, despite the amount I tried to get to know her, she always seemed to disregard my existence. She never publicly gives any acknowledgement that she knew me in even any implied shape or form (I assume out of embarassment, which is rather common with me) but I just figured, meh whatever. I'll just try harder. It was always me who had to start a conversation but I didn't mind the inequities too much. Many times I'm even just blatantly ignored. But now, I've had enough of this shit.

It's now clear that girl A just doesn't want to talk to me. Obviously she never liked me too much and although I tried talking to her many times, I was never too partial toward her either. There is something that prevents me from ever knowing her. I don't know what it is but I really don't fucking care anymore. Maybe it is because I am an immature, insensitive, social, sadist but I really don't fucking care. I have other friends who I'm compatible with so I'll take what I can get. Whatever. I've had enough of have to being the one to get things started. Looks like nothing was ever being put in motion in the first place.

Fuck alright now I've gotten myself all worked up over nothing. this seriously isn't a very big event but through hyperboles and passionate, exaggerated writing, I've clearly made a very big deal out of a small deal. I seriously wasn't very pissed until I started writing this rant. It's just that soemtimes when you start something up, it starts accelerating. In the end, no I do not hate girl A (just want to make that clear). I guess I'm angry at her right now (I didn't really feel that way until I started writing this) but I would not say I hate her. Rather I'd say that I'm annoyed and frustrated. We obviously have some very conflicting personalities or she just doesn't want to have any association with me. We should really just be strangers. Meh, probably won't happen.

On a final note, would I mind if girl A saw this rant? It's definitely a possiblity within reasonable limits. No I would not mind if she saw this. For one thing, I'm pretty damn sure she will never see this. Nobody, and much less girl A, regularly visits my homepage and reads my rants. But if she did read this, she'd easily figure out I'm reffering to her (if she didn't it'd be pretty damn funny) and if she did figure it out, I don't think it'd matter to her, and therefore would not matter to me. Like I said, we're strangers.